When daily routines are disrupted in unprecedented ways, we need techniques we can trust to promote self regulation.
As parents, we know we can’t expect our children to be more regulated than we are. We’re the ones who set the tone in our homes. When we’re regulated ourselves, we can help them stay regulated too.
Over the past few days, I’ve been sharing a series of simple strategies for self regulation.
It’s a series I call “Take Three Steps in the Right Direction.” If you missed the first two steps, you’ll find them below.
Take the first step
The first step is to take three literal steps in the right direction, which you can do as you’re walking, or while you’re seated in your chair.
The second step is to simply focus on your breathing.
The third step is to take three seconds to look slowly around the room, in three different directions.
Those of you who spend a lot of time working with computers may be familiar with the 20-20-20 rule. Eye doctors recommend taking a break every every 20 minutes, to look at something 20 feet away for 20 seconds.
When you shift your gaze to something 20 feet away, you relax your iris sphincter. You probably haven’t given a lot of thought to your iris sphincter, but your it allows your pupils to expand and contract. Softening your gaze and looking around you, for even a few moments can relax your entire nervous system.
One morning our son, who shall remain nameless was – you guessed it – in the shower.
He has this amazing ability to get dressed without even drying off and fly out of the shower, wet hair streaming behind him as he leaps into the passenger seat with a single bound. On this particular morning, my frustration had gotten the best of me. As he slid into the passenger seat at the last possible moment, I held back the angry words that filled my thoughts.
We pulled out of the driveway, and onto the main road. It was a beautiful, sun drenched winter morning. The air was cold and crisp, and the newly fallen show blanketed the ground on either side of the road. I took a moment to remember to “take three steps in the right direction, “ and pressed my left foot into the floor mat (without also pressing my right foot down onto the accelerator).
As I shifted the focus of my attention to my breath, I felt the tension in my body begin to relax.
As I moved my head slowly from side to side, looking first to the right, then straight ahead, then to the left, I noticed the snowflakes glistening on the branches of the trees on either side of the road. It occurred to me that I was driving our high school aged son to a nearby Christian college where he is enrolled in a number of college level classes, and a wave of gratitude washed over me.
“I love you Matthew,” I said. *
“I love you too, mom,” he said.
It takes only a moment to look around and see where you are. But sometimes this simple step allows for a shift in perspective that changes everything.
Now, I’d like to invite you to take a look around and see where you are. Soften your gaze and look around you in three different directions, slowly moving your neck, your head and your eyes all at the same time, as if they’re one unit. Look in three different directions, pausing briefly as you look in each direction. Doing so will literally shift your perception in ways that may even allow you to see things from a new perspective.
Take three steps, take three breaths. Take a look around and see where you are.
Three steps, three breaths, and three directions. I hope you’ll allow these simple steps to transform your relationship with yourself and those you love.
*Shared with permission.
