In a landscape that seems to be shifting day by day, it’s incumbent upon parents to show children how to navigate.
In the days and weeks ahead, I’ll be sharing simple, everyday tools to help you and your family stay regulated and connected in the shelter of our homes and our communities.
The first tool has three simple steps. I call it, “Take three steps in the right direction.”
I had an opportunity to use this step recently in my own life.
One morning, as I was standing in our kitchen, I looked at the clock and realized it was almost time to leave and our son was still in the shower.
My initial impulse was to rap on the door and say, “If your don’t get out of the shower right this minute . . . ” But before I’d taken the first step, I remembered this simple tool. *
As I walked across the kitchen and down the hall, I simply shifted my attention to my feet and lower legs. Even through my slippers, I felt the connection between my feet and the floor beneath me. I felt my lower legs supporting my upper body.
As I shifted the focus of my attention, a remarkable thing happened. By the time I reached the bathroom door, just 14 steps from the kitchen sink, I smiled and said, “Breakfast is ready.” Which is, of course, the quickest way of all to get a teenaged boy out of the shower.
You can use this tool when you’re:
- Walking down the hallway at home,
- Vacuuming your carpet,
- Wiping the handle on your refrigerator door,
- Walking in your neighborhood, your backyard, your local park,
- Or stocking up on a few essential items at the grocery store.
All that’s required is shifting your attention to your feet and lower legs, feeling the connection between your feet and the surface beneath you, and noticing the way your lower legs support your upper body.
Learning to direct your attention is a superpower that allows you to shift your focus. Instead of being tossed around by racing thoughts and turbulent emotions, you can decrease stress and be more present in the moment by shifting your attention.
This simple step is an opportunity to practice an essential skill called interoception.
While perception refers to our ability to be aware of what’s happening around us, interoception refers to our ability to be aware of what’s happening within us. It’s a simple skill that allows us to shift to more regulated state. When we’re more regulated, we’re more capable of being the parents we want to be. We can lead the way for our children in troubled times. It’s as simple as taking the next step in the right direction.
I’ll be posting steps two and three in the blogs that follow. In the meantime, I hope you’ll take a moment to practice this tool and share your comments below.
* To learn more about this tool, see Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation by Daniel Siegel, M.D., page 96.
